Clowns to the left of me...Jokers to the right!

Here I am...stuck in the middle with you!

So let's say you are about to buy your dream house, but you notice that from your new bathroom, there is the business end of a telescope peering down from a neighbor's window.

So you ask yourself, maybe it's an amateur astronomer who got bad coordinates, or maybe it's some guy in a wheelchair with nothing better to do, or maybe it was left behind by the CIA when they were investigating the previous owner. How can you know for sure?

Well, you can hire yourself a private investigator, call your cousin Yuriv with the KGB, and/or rack up a few breaking and entering convictions...

OR...use some LEGAL ways to find out who your neighbors are before you purchase a property!

1. Megan's Law Database. This is a free service that let's you find out if there are any registered sex offenders living in your neighborhood.

2. Superior Court Database. This handy-dandy little feature allows you to search court cases in San Diego County. Find out who sued who for what! ALSO...search your HOA if you have one!!

3. Zillow.com. You can find out who holds title to the property next door!

4. HOA minutes. If you are living in or plan to buy in a neighborhood or complex with an HOA, you can legally get access to the minutes from their meetings. Find out what's being complained about, who is the biggest sour-puss, or who is suing who over what!

5. City Building, Planning, and Code Enforcement. Find out if anyone in your area has been caught running a brothel, practicing their music too loud, or planning to put up a 90 foot tall Christmas tree next holiday season.

6. Talk to neighbors. Sure...it's old-fashioned...but this way you can find out who the gossip on the street is and avoid them!

7. Local cops. They can be great for telling you all about the right street gang to join! Look prepared by planning your palette for your new graffiti, or catching up on the latest lingo and hand-gestures!

...and always check the windows for bullet holes...that's a good indication of drive-by activity